A Blogging Challenge

Hahaha ... I cannot believe I signed myself up for a 30-day Blogging Challenge together with some work colleagues, who I consider now as awesome friends. This initiative was brilliantly hatched by Noel Nuguid. Admittedly, just like him, this will really force me to blog on a regular basis.

I would like to think that I am a natural writer. Words, ideas just flow from my mind down to my fingertips (i.e. on a keyboard) and/ or my pen. Yes, I do keep an online space for public consumption of my work and I maintain a journal of my own private musings. Why so? There are just some entries which are meant to be shared between me and my journal. Nothing more.

My blogging is not to give a blow-by-blow account of my life nor release so much angst and gripe about life's injustices. As a blogger, I am responsible for how I conduct myself in public since blogging is a public activity. Whatever I write will be a reflection of myself - and I do not want to turn people away with my words.

One can call it that I am playing safe. That I am restricting myself from expressing fully what is inside of me. Well, let them. That is their opinion.

But for me, I want to exercise a degree of responsibility for whatever I let out in my entries. I simply want my entries to bring smiles or a bit of memory to the surface. To ignite an idea that was buried in the recesses of one's mind. Or to strike a new friendship based on similar realizations and interests.

Up at 4am

I woke up a little before 4am. I've begun doing some mind exercises last Friday - no, make that last Wednesday - to help myself.

I am supposed to work on my Governance Innovation Report but I found myself organizing one of my Gmail accounts. Admittedly, it felt good, lighter even redirecting some of the e-mails to another account. I felt these were encroaching too much on my personal space. The clutter and the stuffiness these brought seemed to reflect what has been going on recently with me.

Yes, it has been a while since I've updated this site of mine. I am sorry for not having lived up to my promise of doing so.

Just like my personal account which was heavily bombarded with so many e-mails (it really messed up my personal space and did not leave me much room to enjoy my sanctuary), I was struggling with my own issues of happiness, liberation, satisfaction, stability and independence.

Why I encountered this stifling sensation frustrated me. It drew me into a vortex that led me to doubt and insecurity. How I am dealing with these is another story. But I am now in a better disposition compared to before.

What I would like to share in this entry is how much writing has been the salve to soothe me.

My inner demons which brought me so much turmoil, distress and desperation were released and contained (somewhat like the Ghostbusters' electromagnetic ghost trapper) in a journal. My journal has been detailing the feelings, process, realizations, existential questions that brought me to my own decisions. Writing has been my constant companion as of late, calming me and freeing me of my own internal battles.

Before, I would use to tear up previous journal entries - and now that I am older and wiser, I regret doing so. I think this is a side of me which refused to reconcile a phase or a stage I had to undergo that was really awkward - embarrassing at times, painful, foolish. I thought these did not describe myself. I wanted a different projection of me. Now, I had enough sense to keep intact my diary from the time I started writing - and this was when I was ten years old.

Hahaha ... as I wrote that sentence it brought tears to my eyes. Regretful? Sentimental? A little of both I believe. Wow, that was a good release; not a full one but at least it eased the pressure inside of me. And so, here I am on an initial attempt to be more forgiving and accepting of myself.

Preface

Okay, I have finally gone beyond the attempt to compose my first blog entry for this spot. I've been vacillating too much. About time I blogged.

The blogging bug bit me several years ago. My early digital media writings were exposed on Friendster (which I should have salvaged first before deleting my account), then on Multiply (though I might shift it to here). I managed to create an account here but forgot all about it, hence I had to start all over again. Ergo, this little sanctuary for my thoughts, experiences, advocacy works and all sorts of tidbits that I can impart. These could be things you are aware of and otherwise.

When I was young, I wanted to be a nurse, dentist, doctor, a nun (yes! Out of sympathy for a sister who asked our fifth-grade class if anybody wanted to be a nun. No one raised their hand, so I did so she can be hopeful that the religious life was not going to be extinct in our batch.) and a writer (but when I got to high school and enjoyed my Economics subject, I wanted to save the Philippines).

The last one was something I worked hard at. I kept diaries (oh yes, the Dear Diary mushy, innocent, cheesy stuff. I am now cringing and the mere thought is making me so embarrassed. Uh huh, yup) and joined the future journalist club in school. Starting out as a reporter in fifth (or was it sixth grade) and then finally graduating from grade school as the News Editor. In hindsight, I feel bad that I did not seriously pursue this in high school, focusing instead on table tennis and math for curricular activities. How weird was that right?

Anyway, now that my work allows me to write - aside from balancing other responsibilities such as networking, Über babysitting websites (the Brain Gain Network and Narra Venture Capital), and whatever my boss wants me to do - I have no excuses from pursuing what is probably my latent profession - writing and now, blogging.

To make it easier for me, I afford myself the leisure of jotting down whatever tidbits I encounter for yours and my reading consumption. I always thought that writing long entries was a must but short ones will do as people would not have time to mull over long ones - and before I further prolong this, I will have to end my introduction here.

So cheers to me for FINALLY writing/ blogging! I do hope that I am able to sustain this (and this is a regular promise I should hold myself accountable to). More entries to come!