Saturday, March 26, 2011

Kindred Spirits



I'm up early on a Sunday morning because my mind is "bothered" so much. I love the way how I use "bother" in this sense. Only handful can comprehend to the tenor I use.

If no female can relate to the thinking of Louisa May Alcott and Lucy Maud Montgomery, then you've truly missed the essence of what is being a woman and breaking away from the constraints imposed by society's norm.

One man (good looking, talented, intelligent and quite known in the Manila society circles), asked me a few years ago, what was my favorite book. I simply and unabashedly said, Little Women and the works of LMA.

I think he found it cute but it was an unexpected reply from somebody, who turned a quarter of a century old - then. He must have been expecting something like today's Confessions of a Shopaholic.

Admittedly, his inquiry caught me off guard but if my mind was not cluttered so much then, I would have volunteered Nick Bantock for something more mature. But I suspect my answer made a very endearing impression on him about myself.

The term "kindred spirits" is from Montgomery's classic and monumental work - Anne of Green Gables. (While I am not a fan of Stephanie Meyer's Twilight series, I would like to thank her for bringing into the radar this fantastic personality today. Even if it was just a mention or a reference for Bella Swan's wedding dress.)

Anne Shirley, an orphan adopted by siblings Matthew and Martha Cuthbert of Avonlea, infuses so much adventure in the quiet and sheltered life of Diana Barry, next door neighbor to the Cuthberts.

In the first book, Anne and Diana seal their friendship in a ceremony that is much for fairy tale in style (I was thinking in a setting similar to Lord of the Rings' Rivendell and costumed like the elf princess Arwen) and at the same time, very comic like in the Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood (yes, draw a blood compact shall we?).

Best friends has never found itself in an elevated definition such as this but beyond this type cast, "kindred spirits" held for me a deeper meaning than that.

It meant openly locating, sweetly discovering and surprisingly aligning so much of yourself with someone or with people you would not have in the slightest idea you would click with.

I could opt to just say instantaneous connection but the elements of lightness and spontaneity afford it a different twist.

My preference for terming some of my relationships with people as fellow kindred spirits, somehow affords me this ease and comfort. Akin to a sanctuary but in a human sense.

Monday, March 7, 2011

Up at 4am


I woke up a little before 4am. I've begun doing some mind exercises last Friday - no, make that last Wednesday - to help myself.

I am supposed to work on my Governance Innovation Report but I found myself organizing one of my Gmail accounts. Admittedly, it felt good, lighter even redirecting some of the e-mails to another account. I felt these were encroaching too much on my personal space. The clutter and the stuffiness these brought seemed to reflect what has been going on recently with me.

Yes, it has been a while since I've updated this site of mine. I am sorry for not having lived up to my promise of doing so.

Just like my personal account which was heavily bombarded with so many e-mails (it really messed up my personal space and did not leave me much room to enjoy my sanctuary), I was struggling with my own issues of happiness, liberation, satisfaction, stability and independence.

Why I encountered this stifling sensation frustrated me. It drew me into a vortex that led me to doubt and insecurity. How I am dealing with these is another story. But I am now in a better disposition compared to before.

What I would like to share in this entry is how much writing has been the salve to soothe me.

My inner demons which brought me so much turmoil, distress and desperation were released and contained (somewhat like the Ghostbusters' electromagnetic ghost trapper) in a journal. My journal has been detailing the feelings, process, realizations, existential questions that brought me to my own decisions. Writing has been my constant companion as of late, calming me and freeing me of my own internal battles.

Before, I would use to tear up previous journal entries - and now that I am older and wiser, I regret doing so. I think this is a side of me which refused to reconcile a phase or a stage I had to undergo that was really awkward - embarrassing at times, painful, foolish. I thought these did not describe myself. I wanted a different projection of me. Now, I had enough sense to keep intact my diary from the time I started writing - and this was when I was ten years old.

Hahaha ... as I wrote that sentence it brought tears to my eyes. Regretful? Sentimental? A little of both I believe. Wow, that was a good release; not a full one but at least it eased the pressure inside of me. And so, here I am on an initial attempt to be more forgiving and accepting of myself.